Consider a situation where in a child is really excited to show her mom something that is too small a thing in view of an adult to be excited.
The child comes running to mom wishing to break the news that an auntie gave her ten bucks (mom doesn't like auntie), she says "she should have given hundred, I gave hundred to her son".
However genuine the mom's comment sounded, she killed her daughters excitement in the end!
That's a solid ground for breaking connection!
Now, consider a tantrum throwing situation, that could be a plea for connection or a deliberate intellectual strategy to obtain the desired thing. Giving the thing would mean encouraging this behaviour and not giving would mean a complete breakage of connection.
Well, not giving is the right thing to go for, just that you must know how to say the "no"! This is the kind of "no" that means itself yet is full of empathy for the sorrow the little one is engrossed in.
"Oh darling I really can't give it to you! I wish I could give it to you" a long emphatic hug to follow!
The child might keep on crying and yelling for may be half an hour or so ( longer so for older formed habits)
You will not believe what connection awaits you.....if you are able to live those thirty minutes of crying with patience!
You might have to face such crying spells a number of times before you conclude to have conquered the tantrum (longer so for older formed habits).
Go ahead and master art of breaking the tantrum cycle. You will soon find a new child in your child, a new connection in your relation and a new confident you who's full of patience!
The child comes running to mom wishing to break the news that an auntie gave her ten bucks (mom doesn't like auntie), she says "she should have given hundred, I gave hundred to her son".
However genuine the mom's comment sounded, she killed her daughters excitement in the end!
That's a solid ground for breaking connection!
Now, consider a tantrum throwing situation, that could be a plea for connection or a deliberate intellectual strategy to obtain the desired thing. Giving the thing would mean encouraging this behaviour and not giving would mean a complete breakage of connection.
Well, not giving is the right thing to go for, just that you must know how to say the "no"! This is the kind of "no" that means itself yet is full of empathy for the sorrow the little one is engrossed in.
" just keep it back I say or you get a tight slap" with a dominant pointing finger
could better be replaced by...."Oh darling I really can't give it to you! I wish I could give it to you" a long emphatic hug to follow!
The child might keep on crying and yelling for may be half an hour or so ( longer so for older formed habits)
You will not believe what connection awaits you.....if you are able to live those thirty minutes of crying with patience!
You might have to face such crying spells a number of times before you conclude to have conquered the tantrum (longer so for older formed habits).
Go ahead and master art of breaking the tantrum cycle. You will soon find a new child in your child, a new connection in your relation and a new confident you who's full of patience!
