SKILLS OVER WILLS PART 1

Hey that's my forthcoming workshop first time for the kids! This is just a brief write up to tell what is that going to be about!
It's empirical that life is quite a package with its ups and it's downs; with haves and have nots; with happiness and sorrows! Listen to just anyone's story, life is all the same!
What can make life really worth living and so much fulfilling are the skills that outweigh the "so much" that we offer through our wills. 
The first part of "Skills Over Wills" is focussing on the following:
1. Attitude of Gratitude: The posture of thankfulness automatically eliminates complains from our lives. 
2. Creativity: Being creative has really little to do with art and so much to do with innovations! A creative mind is one that's good at creating life in life! 
3. Visualisation: Imagine it happen, make it happen, see it happen.....live in that happening!! Visualisation is a mind picture making technique that can fetch you any thing and every thing in life! 
4. Self Image: Knowing the person staying with you is most important for happiness in life. Loving that person makes life worthwhile. That person for you is you!!!!

Bolus dose: Twelve hour course (3hours x 4days) 
Maintenance dose:  3 minutes conclave Once a day given by parents!

Maintenance dose tutorial for parents is complimentary! 

DO YOU WANT AN OBEDIENT CHILD ?

I'm particularly not fond of children who are good at following! Well, under the pretext of disciplining children and making them obedient we kind of stop them to use their own head! 

Which parent today wants their child to stand on the burning deck whence all but he flees! I am sure no one wants the replica of Casabianca..for the noblest thing which perished there, was not that young faithful heart but a brain that kept looking for orders when what should be done was so obvious! 

I would rather have a child who can use his brain to walk out of weird situations! I would love to see my son find a tier or just anything clinging on to which he could jump into the sea float and possibly survive! Or better so give others brilliant and creative ideas to save oneself! 

Thinkers are not followers!

Creators aren't followers!

Inventors take unique paths!

Re think: Do you really want an obedient child ????
(Casabianca is a story of an obedient boy who kept standing on the burning deck just because his father asked him to stand there and wait until he returned; but the ship caught fire and the father laid unconscious so couldn't ask his son to run. That's why the obedient son burnt alive in fire)

A pinch of junk 2

Junk food is something we don't want our child to have! We all know of the deleterious effects of the same. Take a look at regular conversation between parent and child:

Parent: Hey Samar, if you finish this glass of milk I'll give you chocolate!
Samar: Half chocolate for half a glass of milk????
Parent (thinking): ya okay! But milk first!
Samar( looking at the glass of milk as though it's the hardest fluid to gulp): okay mom!
Samar drinks half a glass as quickly as possible to reduce the duration of pain while drinking milk.
Parent gives him the chocolate halved!

What has Samar learnt?
1. Drinking milk is a potential way to get chocolate.
2. It's moms wish that I drink milk
3. Bribery is the best way to get work done
4. I can probably get a chocolate for every thing that my mom wants me to do!
5. Chocolate is a prize!
6. Prizes are meant to be fetched! They are the dreams and aspirations! So but obviously they are not only good but really very good!

None of this is what parents actually wish to convey!

 Bottom line: If junk is a prize it is definitely something to be sought for!
Let your prizes be fruits, playing in a park, taking them to a friends house, telling them a story, doing painting or anything that you want your kids to be involved in NOT and NEVER that what you know is harmful!! Bribery doesn't work very well, the more you use it the more stuck you'll feel and the more you will have to use it more and the more you will actually fail in your endeavors! Next I'm going to post.  "Drinking milk made easy"!!!

Mom-Of-Two

God bestowed me with second baby, I am now a mother of two! So many felicitations and blessings were falling from all friends and relatives...it doubled all my joy! One lady gave me a warning though..." It's going to be so very difficult now, I am telling you. Being a mother of two is a tedious job!" To be very frank, it is!

Mine was not a normal delivery this time, it was Caesarian section. I was more debilitated than I thought and certainly more burdened than I thought! It was "the testing hour" ! I felt as if I was getting drowned in the whorls of water, a sudden cyclone had hit me and immediately I was reminded of that lady's warning. In a much depressed tone I said to myself how true was she! I don't know how but a kind of courage bestowed upon me and I thought I should at least try my way out! 

I used to get so irritated saving my younger one from the elder one. She would not listen to me and take all the advantage of my passivity and helplessness. I behaved as if she was my biggest enemy that time! 

I didn't need warnings nor a discussion on the problem and how every mom of two had to face it. I needed a way out! I needed to pause and think it over! 

I realised I tackled what I expected and knew about better than what came as a shocking surprise. I would have been so thankful to someone who would have told me beforehand what I will come across and how should I deal with it! 

But it was not warning but encouragement and strength that would and could have helped instead of a  warning!

As of now I request the already mom-of-two not to scare the to-be-mom-of-two by giving warnings, just tell them to read the write up that's coming soon!

BREAK THE TANTRUM & BUILD NEW CONNECTIONS

Consider a situation where in a child is really excited to show her mom something that is too small a thing in view of an adult to be excited.
The child comes running to mom wishing to break the news that an auntie gave her ten bucks (mom doesn't like auntie), she says  "she should have given hundred, I gave hundred to her son".
However genuine the mom's comment sounded, she killed her daughters excitement in the end!
That's a solid ground for breaking connection!
Now, consider a tantrum throwing situation, that could be a plea for connection or a deliberate intellectual strategy to obtain the desired thing. Giving the thing would mean encouraging this behaviour and not giving would mean a complete breakage of connection.
Well, not giving is the right thing to go for, just that you must know how to say the "no"!  This is the kind of "no" that means itself yet is full of empathy for the sorrow the little one is engrossed in.

" just keep it back I say or you get a tight slap" with a dominant pointing finger

could better be replaced by....
"Oh darling I really can't give it to you! I wish I could give it to you" a long emphatic hug to follow!
The child might keep on crying and yelling for may be half an hour or so ( longer so for older formed habits)
You will not believe what connection awaits you.....if you are able to live those thirty minutes of crying with patience!

You might have to face such crying spells a number of times before you conclude to have conquered the tantrum (longer so for older formed habits).
Go ahead and master art of breaking the tantrum cycle. You will soon find a new child in your child, a new connection in your relation and a new confident you who's full of patience!

A plea for connection....TANTRUM

Hey mom, I miss you tonnes. I feel disconnected with you and that hurts me. When I plead you shout at me. I need more of your love and care but you don't seem to care. It seems all that bothers you is what other children do or what others might think. Why don't you ever show your concerns for my feelings and what I think instead?
I think you don't understand me! I feel so alone.
What you call my tantrum is my painful cry! I make you do as I want, it's a toy sometimes and at times it's your mobile phone.... I also don't realise what I actually desire is you! Even you don't realise what I want. I cry for love but I call it names (ball, toy etc). You give me what I name but that gives me happiness but only momentary. Then I keep on crying and you keep on giving in to my outward desires. You call it tantrum, it becomes a habit. I keep getting what I desire but never what I need. You call me naughty and a monster. But does that help? I feel disconnected and now I am demanding a pen. If you know that you shouldn't give me the pen, you are correct. If you know not what to do and how to break the vicious cycle of tantrum and disconnection, wait patiently for the next blog on "BREAK THE TANTRUM & BUILD NEW CONNECTIONS".
Love you mom.

GENESIS OF TANTRUMS

Hi readers, I received various requests asking me to come up with my write ups! Trust me, the trust you bestow upon me is one great factor that pulls me towards writing. Staying away from you all is as much a pain to me as it is to you. For all your love and trust my warmest regards. I apologise for hibernating!
Tantrum is a learned behaviour. Tantrum is more often than not,  an effort to get something than a sigh of grief of not getting something.
It's needless to say that children are all brains all the time. They are fabulous at reading psychology, especially that of their parents.
When Deepu was only four months old, his only way of communication was his cry......a cry for food, a cry when he was wet, a cry for nursing, a cry for staying away from mummy. He grew and so did his wishes and desires. He also cried for the rocking seat, daddy's mobile phone, mamma's bangles, the brand new dress ...and a number of things that are not advisable to be given in the tender palms of an infant.
Deepu is very intelligent and observant, every moment he is learning. He is learning, who, when, how and under what circumstances, will finally hand over the desired object to him. He is observing and carefully noting down the threshold of both of his parents. He knows precisely how much he will have to cry to have it in his hands. He knows it gets easier to obtain things in front of grandparents and guests.
It's neither the "yes" nor the "no" that spoils children. It's the "no that turns into a yes" due to "THE XYZ" that the child does that lays fertile ground for "tantrums" to flourish! Stick to your first "no". Stick to your spouse's "no" too.
Make it a rule. Never let the child lead your "no" into a "yes". Children throw tantrums only because it gives them what they want.
You will notice children throwing tantrums in front of moms but never with dads....they know what works with whom.
It's like playing chess with the world's most intelligent and observant creations.....children, our own children! Tantrum is a learned behaviour and we can send a different message all together to prevent it and cure it too. Prevention is better than cure....much easier too. So just be careful with your moves with the little genius!
Hope this was useful to you all. Kindly put your valuable comments and querries.