2018 NEW YEAR PARENTING TIP

The OLIVE GREEN tip for the parents this new year!

The most important part of life is CHANGE. No one can do away with it, since it keeps happening at its own pace and in its own way! Change is inevitable!
Experiences make us bitter, changes our outlook towards the world more negative than positive. We calculate all situations in a default mode and draw struggling inferences! This is how we are changing!
There is a way to monitor and control the wonderful process of change leading to better outcomes......an optimistic we, stronger we, balanced we and smoothening relationships, effective we!!!
It’s all a world of huge possibilities and we could metamorphose what we dislike and want to change to what we would love to be like!!!
OLIVE GREEN would surely post this wonderful magical way very soon! 

USING A SCHOOL COMPETITION TO BUILD CONNECTION WITH YOUR CHILD

As a matter of fact any project or competition in school that needs parental involvement carries with it immense possibilities of connection building. So much so that connection building is all I aim for, winning a prize takes the back seat over the list of priorities! 

The earlier we plan the better it is, since we have lots of time and can do away with panicking! However there also is a lot of learning doing things at the end moment. Especially it trains us ( both parents and children) for sprint! Cool mind, quick ideas, limited resources( since there’s no time to buy extra), a smart plan and quick action! It really gives me a kick! But truthfully, the results are devastating as connection building is lost over the counter, there’s no fun time while practicing and preparing, the child most likely forgets, the chances of winning are highly bleak! It’s way more lovely to plan and start early! You might not get the kick but 

Just giving you an example, upcoming is a speech competition in my daughter’s school on the topic “One day in life as a mobile”!

As we sat casually I just asked her how it would be if she were a flower for one day. “No, I wouldn’t like being a flower. Anyone can pluck me off” 

“Would there be something nice about being a flower?”

Quickly enough 

“ ya! I would stay fresh all time, not needing bath nor going to school; that would be nice But still I don’t want to be so susceptible to be plucked....so overall a No, from my side”

Rejecting my proposal to be a flower!! 

She insisted on my turn this time to think over and she asked me how it would be like to be a sun for a day! 

I put across my scattered views! 

The best part was that we were infusing the imagination with our feelings. It was such a fun. 

Instead to writing a short speech and making her mug it up, I started it this ways! It was a wonderful start and I’m also waiting to watch what follows!  

Nothing is as important in parenting as is building a strong parent-child connection! As I promote more talkings, more conversations, more sharing, more feelings I pray you enjoy the journey all way long..!!

Dr Garima Shivhare

Olive Green Parenting Clinic

DON’T DISMISS THE FEELINGS OF YOUR CHILD

It puts me in a state of self check as I share with you my latest realisation! 

I realised how many times I simply refused to agree to what my daughter said she felt! She said she was sleepy and I reminded her with authority that she was not really sleepy, just a little tired! 

She said she was hungry and I refuted saying that she just had sandwich! 

She said she didn’t want to attend dance classes and I started reminding her everything she ever said and did to prove that she really liked dancing!

.....And the list can go so long! 

Realisation was there and it demanded some substantial action! I appointed a part of my mind to keep a check on my responses! I am improving but it’s taking time! I’m curbing my desire to correct, advice and judge! 

I realise all over again how this behaviour of mine can induce self doubt in her personality! I want her to stand for herself but my words are working towards making her realise that she is not capable of judging her feelings and can’t conclude her own state of mind!!! 

Listening needs so much more practice and I’m practically working towards improving the same! 

God bless you all with fabulous loving families, cherished memories and a bond that’s everlasting! 

Dr Garima Shivhare

Olive Green Parenting Clinic

WOMANHOOD: WISDOM & COURAGE

This comes with a realised fact that parenting is way more about a woman than a man!! 

A woman is simply beautiful. The way she's been made is really amazing. Not what is visible but that what is subtle that amazes me all the more. Two kinds of woman really impress me: one is the courageous Rani Laxmi bai of Jhansi and another is the sharp minded Mareena of Alibaba and 40 thieves! 

More than being a woman, being a human impresses me all the more. Chanakya, Birbal and millions of stories of Panchtantra and various freedom fighters touch my core. I aspire to have a part of these immensely wise and courageous personalities in me. 

But that doesn't stop me to look at the mirror...mirror that really reflected me, the whole of me!

In life it doesn't matter what cards you got; what really matters as what you made if it and how you played with it! 

A part of wisdom that is important is to foresee the possible outcomes and act in ways to promote the favourable ones and to avoid the unfavourable ones. 

Nothing beats wisdom!! 

There ought to be a mirror that reflects wisdom within us, and we also need make up to accentuate the same! 

Courage is instinctual as well as environmental!!! In my case it's completely a learned asset! I've been a coward all my childhood. 

Many a times I used to hide my meekness behind my goodness, my incapabilities to answer back behind my patience and tolerance. One day I decided to go bare and realise for good how weak I am emotionally. I  needed that specific psycho-critical mirror that moment. 

Realisation is the first step towards overcoming, fighting our own instincts, winning over them and a complete mental shift leading to surprising metamorphosis! 

The new me was amazingly lovely, admirable and worthy of so much self boost! Courage is an asset! It is that kind of jewel that shines through personality. 

There's lot more adorable aspects about being a woman, but courage and wisdom certainly sets you apart from the crowd! I wish I could have a mirror that reflected these aspects of ours! 

A PINCH OF JUNK 3

As you all know " A pinch of Junk" is a serial post for all concerned mothers to restrict junk to just a pinch! All together abstinence from junk is neither possible nor recommended, at least in my view. I strictly follow 'no junk for rewards' principle and that's working great. 

What's the latest in this regard is that my daughter and me worked on it and here's the summary of our treaty:

1. Night brushing is compulsory 

2. Brushing soon after eating anything sweet that gets stuck in teeth

3. No junk will be the replacement of any meal

4. Junk will be over and above the routine meals 

5. A list of junk with days tagged to them:

i) Monday - Sweets

ii) Tuesday- Chips

iii) Wednesday - Icecream

iv) Thursday - Burger

v) Friday - Cheesy Pizza

vi) Saturday - Any of the above

vii) Sunday - Any of the above

6. All days junk is not allowed, if it's Monday this week, it's Tuesday next week and so on!

7. Which day is a junk day in a particular week can also be decided by picking chits! There can be some chits that read "NIL" and some that read "TWO". All to make it interesting!

8. Travel allows junk of all kinds!

It's all about making rules and more importantly making a game out of it. It's a child's world after all.

7 WAYS TO ENJOY PARENTING

Parenting could be highly time consuming, patience testing and energy draining process! Here are some simple tips to enjoy parenting.

1.NO PUSHING PLEASE!

Don't push yourself too hard to become the best mom or dad of the world. Parenting demands from parents is high. Only positive energy and patience can help you perform your best in parenting.

2. QUALITY TIME!

Spend Quality time with children and do things that promote connection building. Parenting is about having a beautiful relation with your child while you nurture them.

3. CHOOSE YOUR COMPANY!

Drop those who keep cribbing over how miserable life is with kids, or after marriage. Try and find the company of people who appreciate the wonder of having a child.

4. GIVE YOURSELF SOME TIME!

Groom yourself well! Shed those extra pounds. Join your job. Go for holidays. Let love and sex return to you. It's still your life, that's going on!

5. STAY HONEST!

If you don't have time, money or kind do let them know. Always say bye to the child before going even though he might be crying at that time. Lying will only encourage him to lie to you in future and that will increase your trouble.

6. OPTIMISTIC & PROBLEM SOLVING MODE!

There's no problem you can't deal with and no solution that will stay hidden if you sincerely find it. 

7. PARENTING CLASS!

They are going to make it all easier. Your very perspective with which you view your child and everything he does will change for better. 

SIXTEEN STEPS TO FIND A MATCH FOR YOUR SON

Apparently, India is a country where parents have more dreams about their daughter in law than son would have for his wife. What so ever the case might be the truth is that marriage of your son is the last responsibility for the parents. For the son it's the beginning of a responsible life. Even though parents are the affected ones and their sons wedding is a part of their story, the bare truth is that it is the beginning of his (son's ) story. Here are some steps I consider appropriate for parents of all those who have not found out for themselves their lady love.

Step 1. Ask your son if he wants to get married and why.

Step 2. Let him know what is marriage all about!

Step 3. Let him know what he will have to give in it and what all can he expect.

Step 4. Let him know that he will have to continuously work on it.

Step 5. Ask him to describe the kind of wife he would like to spend his whole 

life with. The description should be as elaborate as possible.

Step 6. Ask him to write the characteristics point wise and in order of priority.

Step 7. Ask him what are the absolute NO NO for him!

Step 8. Ask him to write the negatives in a girl that he'll be okay with.

Step 9. After all this mechanical homework tell him that it's very much possible to have immense love in an arranged marriage. Love is quite a possibility.

Step 10. Ask your son to make a profile shortlisting basis.....the basis on which you will keep or reject profiles without meeting/ talking.

Step 11. Exchange of profiles.... Give yours and fetch a number of profiles from various marriage bureaus, newspapers or shaadi.com etc.

Step 11. Short list the profiles using your profile shortlisting basis.

Step 12. Ask your son to make a Talk shortlisting basis......the basis on which you will keep or reject profiles after talking.

Step 13. Short list the profiles after talking.

Step 14. Do your homework befor you meet the girl party.

Step 15. Meet 

Step 16. Decide

All these steps need further description which will come in time to come!