MY BOY IS STUBBORN

This is about Mrs Nair. She came to me with a rather common problem. Her problem was "My boy is stubborn!"
 "He doesn't ever listen to me. He always has to have things his way."
 "His demands are unreasonable."
 "His tantrum has reached heights."
 "His yells and screams are bullets, and I don't even have a bulletproof jacket"
 "I would rather call him a terrorist!"

Even though she was a millionaire, she was all rags and devastated by the terrorist! I could see all expressions of irritation, helplessness and those held back tears.

I remained silent to give her space to expand express and feel more.

Then I saw what I had been waiting for....A ray of hope!
Hope twinkled through her eyes as she repeated "My boy is stubborn; what do I do doctor"

After a pause, she continued with all that she was expecting out of me.
"Is there a way to make him a decent obedient boy, I can be proud of."
"I want him to talk politely and respectfully to me"
"I don't understand why he imposes his requests?"
 "A chain of please begins and theres no space left for me to refuse however unreasonable he gets."
"He doesn't stop crying, yelling and throwing things around until I give in to his wants."
" I really can't say 'no' to him."

She looked at me helplessly and said "My mother-in-law says that I have spoilt him, that her children were never that indisciplined. I should be strict, I am very lenient thats why Arjun, my son has become so stubborn"
"She says when he puts any unreasonable demand I must just stay strict and control him and his behaviours by punishments and disciplinary rules."
"mmmm...." I muttered seeing how troubled she was and how badly she was wanting her boy to drop his stubborn  behaviour.
I told her something that immediately put her into a relaxation mode.."Mrs Nair, Stubborn behaviour and throwing tantrums is quite common, and so is giving into the child's wishes or taking the punishment lane. Whatever you are experiencing is quite common. The good news is that there is a solution to this"
A sigh of relief..... and she asked "Ma'am when should I get Arjun to your clinic?"

I replied "He doesn't need to come, only you need to take a few sessions."

She immediately said "So, you also think that I have made my son stubborn"
Her honest response touched me and I knew how much being accused hurts her and I put the words into statement that cleared her doubt...."The sessions are for you not because you are the cause but because you can be the best medicine"
"Mrs Nair, I would love to congratulate you because you have spared the rod and other punishing techniques"
"We will start with knowing the genesis of tantrums and learn how the behaviour can be slashed without using violent punishing methods."
My next post would be on the genesis of tantrums!!